Hipster Runoff

Should I move 2 Portland?

Yall. I was watching meaningful live performances from the alternative utopia known as Portland, Oregon. It seems like a place where I can just be 'me' and not worry about the past or the future. I would only have to worry about NOW, and NOW would always be at a meaningful conceptual indie rock show.


/// Just want 2 live in a place with impromptu live performances & a thriving bicycle economy.

Seems like life could be more meaningful there. It's like a time capsule that preserved various snapshots of the past 50 years when things were free-spirited, well-intentioned, and authentic (and a lil bit dancey).


My major metropolitan area is getting kinda lame, and the scene doesn't support eachother. Every1 is s0 focused on 'making it on the internet' that they neglect the local community. h8 it s0 bad. Just want a thriving local music community with dedicated fans, grassroots/organic marketing possibilities, and some medium-to-high quality indie pop.

Previous Portland Coverage

Have yall evr been 2 Portland?
Do they have underground book stores and vegan cuisine options?
Can I ride my vintage bike there as my primary mode of transportation?
Do they have internet wires/connection portals there for my Macbook?
Do they have Chili'ses there?
Just exploring my options, yall... 2k9 is a whole new year... [via barry Obammes]

What’s the difference between art, design, and memes?

Yall. I'm kinda confused. When I went away to design school, I knew that I wanted to express myself. It's kinda hard 2. It's like the way that people consume and interpret information has totally changed. It keeps changing.


I was looking at the FFFFound website, and it made me totally confused.

Is this art or a meme?

Is this art or a viral meme packaged as 'authentic' due to 'relevant commentary on the state of society'?

h8 u Banksy. H8 u graffiti 'art' memes.

Is this a marketing viral meme by the Lego corporation, or just an internet meme that I am supposed to marvel at for 3.5 seconds, or art?

Is this art or meme or high priced gimmick art?

Is this architecture or just a meme marketing gimmick?

Is this art or just a viral marketing gimmick featuring Taye Zonday?

I'm just trying 2 design, yall. Want 2 change the world.

Do yall ever feel confused about the media that ur supposed 2 consume?
Don't yall feel like photography has s000 been cheapened by digital cameras?
Don't u wish u could live without the internet so u could experience art/memes/design?
Things r getting s0 modern. I always assumed that as things got more post-post-pre-modern, that we'd finally all 'get it.' These days I don't get n e thing.
Just want 2 understand what I'm supposed 2 appreciate in order 2 understand what's happening in the world, carry on relevant conversations with well-informed people about relevant topics, and be able to process this information in an efficient, valuable manner.
//// s0 much information, yall
h8 / <3 the future [via scared]


In 2009, I will break more news stories and turn into an investigative reporting blog. I recently uncovered an exclusive story within the memesphere. I was searching through old video archives to see how pre-internet pop culture influenced today's artists and their aesthetic gimmicks.

I was watching this clip of Full House where Stephanie Tanner starts a band with Kimmy Gibbler and they play an Ace of Base Cover [via "I Saw the Sign"].


and I noticed something kinda weird about the name of their band...

THE GIRL TALKS--just like Greg Gillis.
This is the kind of reporting that Pitchfork, the Stereogums, and the Daily Swarm need 2 b doing yall. I am just a meme blog. I'm not ready 2 accidentally find out that I've been lied 2 my whole alternative life.

If I had know that the Girl Talks had stolen their name from Girl Talk, a tween Ace of Base coverband, would I still be a 'fan'? I don't know the answer 2 that question.

Just h8 being lied 2. Will probz stop blggng abt the Girl Talks now. Feel like my parents told me I was adopted or something.

// h8 u
[miss u]

John Stamos is like Madonna. He has found a way to reinvent himself and stay cool all these years.

R u going 2 burn ur copy of 'Feed the Animals'?

“I used 2 rule the world.” -the Coldplays

Yall. There's so many VivaLaVidaAlts these days. I feel like we're about 2 go 2 war.
Kinda scared now that Obama is in office. It's like a zany awards show that gives out fake awards--N E THING CAN HAPPEN. Just want the world 2 know that my fashion choices are representative of my appreciation for the founding fathers of my country during our colonial/regal era.

[Photos by GaranceDore]

"I used to rule the world." -Coldplay
"It was all yellow." - Coldplay
"The Scientist, yall." - Coldplay

Rlly eggcited abt the grammies, yall. Hope Coldplay wins. I think that would mean that 'alt' has officially overtaken the mainstream.

In honor of Coldplay, I will post the top albums in 2k8 that were purchased on the internet music shoppe called 'iTunes.'


1. Coldplay, Viva La Vida (for people who have read music mags for the past 10 years/ppl who are searching for meaning [via the radio])
2. Jack Johnson, Sleep Through The Static (for meaningful festival mainstreamers)
3. Juno soundtrack (for ppl who are preggers/quirky like Michael Sera)
4. Lil Wayne, Tha Carter III (for poor people and educated ppl who value the cultural relevance of mainstream art 4 'coloured culture')
5. Sara Bareilles, Little Voice (@ single women who r 'not gonna write u a love song' /// the feist of 2k8 without alt-credibility)
6. Once soundtrack (nvr heard of it)
7. Jason Mraz, We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things (for ppl who are holding on 2 the past)
8. OneRepublic, Dreaming Out Loud (sounds like a band that ppl who wear leather strap wrist bands and metaphorical graphic tees would listen 2)
9. Across The Universe soundtrack (Is this the Justice documentary of the krappie Beatles movie?)
10. Leona Lewis, Spirit (She's apparently big in the UK)
11. Metallica, Death Magnetic (Glad they shut down Napster to get to #11)
12. Radiohead, In Rainbows (Shouldn't have given away their album 4 free. Then they would be at #30)
13. Taylor Swift, Fearless (Is this the girl who the Jonas brothers gangbang?)
14. Mamma Mia! soundtrack (for lonely people)
15. T.I., Paper Trail (Rap fans don't know how to use computers yet. They still listen to the radio. they only read blogs to see pix of street wear. This should prob be #2 behind Lil Wayne)
16. Amy Winehouse, Back To Black (I have still never heard more than 10 seconds of that "Rehab" song and don't believe she is talented. Just want 2 see pictures of her dead body within 2 years. Will blog about them)
17. Vampire Weekend (ppl who buy songs off iTunes read music blogs/periodicals, but don't download illegal mp3s to avoid lawsuits)
18. Taylor Swift (is this the girl who tugs out sugar-free cum from the Jonas Bro?)
19. Death Cab For Cutie, Narrow Stairs (I think meaningful-core is losing marketshare.)
20. Camp Rock soundtrack (Is this the movie about the Jonas Brothers buying a van and starting a website called bangbus.com?)
21. Madonna, Hard Candy (How many songs besides that one song came from this CD?)
22. Colbie Caillat, Coco (nvr heard of her, but I would assume she sounds like Michelle Branch/Vanessa Carlton/Sheryl Crow/Jewel/some other mnstrm skank who can 'play an instrument')
23. Rihanna, Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded (She loves to Autotune)
24. Alvin And The Chipmunks soundtrack (David Cross made this movie alt?)
25. Duffy, Rockferry (Why do we take artists who British people like seriously? Same goes for 'The Office.')
26. Jonas Brothers, A Little Bit Longer (Is this the song about having a shorter lifespan cuz u have diabetes?)
27. Carrie Underwood, Carnival Ride (Is she dating that Cowboys Quarterback guy?)
28. Paramore, Riot! (This would have sold more, but the iTunes search engine can't handle punctuation)
29. Disturbed, Indestructible (Is this a Korn sideproject?)
30. Sex And The City soundtrack (Soundtracks are for people who are not connected to 'what's going on in the world')
31. Katy Perry, One Of The Boys (Katy Perry: Proof that an effective marketing firm will ensure that you 'make it')
32. Alicia Keys, As I Am (Is she getting more or less mainstream authentic?)
33. Adele, 19 (h8 brits)
34. High School Musical 3: Senior Year (Gonna miss yall. P0st M0re n00dz)
35. Daughtry (When an album is self-titled and by a male artist, I expect the album art to be a picture of the singer's cock)
36. MGMT, Oracular Spectacular (heard they lost tons of sales to altbros [via hypemachine])
37. Lupe Fiasco, The Cool (miss u Matthew Santos in 2k9//via superstar)
38. Eddie Vedder, Into The Wild (The Pearl Jams woulda made him #1)
39. M.I.A., Kala (all of these sales were in the final quarter of 2008)
40. Mariah Carey, E=MC2 (can't believe those sweet juggs married the host of WILD N OUT)
41. John Mayer, Where The Light Is (heard he is making a duets album with the cast of Friends)
42. Jonas Brothers (waiting 4 them 2 come out in 2k40)
43. Counting Crows, Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings (remember the Gen X album 'Mr. Jones'?)
44. 3 Doors Down (This band is America.)
45. Bob Marley, Legend (I love new Marley albums. Hope he keeps writing new stuff.)
46. Led Zeppelin, Mothership (h8 old music)
47. Weezer (did they combine sales of the Red, Blue, Green, and Yellow albums?)
48. Miley Cyrus, Breakout (most of her sales were at the Disney eMusic store)
49. August Rush soundtrack (nvr heard of this movie)
50. P.S. I Love You soundtrack (nvr heard of this movie)

Do yall use iTunes?
Should I buy more music from iTunes since they give like 80% of profits to the artists?
Should I do blow off my iPhone?

HIPSTER RUNOFF RADIO on Sirius Satellite Radio

Are yall excited that I get 2 half-ass a post every Monday morning about what I play on my Satellite Radio Show?

HIPSTER RUNOFF RADIO is a meaningful radio show. The HIPSTER RUNOFF radio show airs Mondays at noon and again at midnight EST on Sirius XMU. Iff you're an XM subscriber, you can listen to Blog Radio on channel 43, and Sirius subscribers can still find us on channel 26. If u really want 2 hear Carles Show, u can get a 3 day trial membership.

This week's playlist (songs in red are extra meaningful):

  1. The Twelves - I Feel Fine [MP3]
  2. Sexton Blake - Bette Davis Eyes
  3. Kings of Convenience - I'd Rather Dance With You
  4. Gil Mantera's Party Dream - Elmo's Wish
  5. Frankmusik - In Step
  6. Lo-Fi-Fnk - City
  7. Weird Tapes - The Heavens [MP3]
  8. M83 - Graveyard Girl
  9. Kings of Leon - Knocked Up (Lykke Li vs. Rodeo Remix)
  10. Phoenix - One Time Too Many
  11. Junior Boys - In The Morning
  12. Justin Timberlake - My Love (DFA Remix)
  13. Junior Senior - Headphone Song
  14. Chromatics - LADY [MP3]
  15. The Embassy - Some Indulgence
  16. Metronomy - A Thing For Me (Breakbot remix)
  17. The Presets - This Boy's In Love (Lifelike Remix)
  18. Digitalism - Pogo (Shinichi Osawa Remix)
  19. Klaxons - As Above, So Below (Justice Remix)
  20. The Strokes - Someday
  21. The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonight
  22. The Notwist - Consequence
  23. Metronomy - Heartbreaker
  24. TV On The Radio - Staring at the Sun
  25. Starfucker - Florida
  26. The Cardinals - If I am a Stranger

On a scale from 1-10, how maltstream was my playlist?
On a scale from 1-10, how authentic was my playlist?
What would u do if u had a radio show?
Would u play Tom Green songs//buzzbands that have only existed for less than 1 months?

Bands to Watch: The Savages Garden

I've been listening to a lot of electro from Australia during 2k8, and it made me yearn for more well-crafted Australian pop electro music. I uncovered a new band called Savage Garden that every blog house fan will learn to love. I would describe them as a mix of Cut Copy and Pnau, highlighting the best elements of each band.

Their hit single is called "I Want You", and it makes me thirsty for Cherry Cola.


Savage Garden also has a soft side, which most modern bands haven't found yet. Writing a slow love song made for middle school dances is one of the most difficult tasks an artist can undertake.


"I knew I loved yall b4 I met yall." -CRLS

I think 2k9 is gonna be a good year, yall!

Do yall think Savage Garden is 'the next big thing' out of Australia? Will they inspire a generation of electro pop producers that we will eventually get to experience in a decade? I'm excited, yall. Maybe Australia did win the Electro War.

HIPSTER RUNOFF: Your #1 Source for Buzzworthy Bands That Will Be Big in 6-12 Months

Unidentified Puddle [New HRO Gimmick]

Name That Unidentified Puddle is a new HRO gimmick where ur supposed to name the unidentified puddle lurking underneath the pictured indie-core bro.

[Photo by Pregnant Goldfish]

The puddle is probably
a) pee
b) period
c) Sparks
d) coffee
e) PBR
f) 5- Hour Energy
g) Coke Zero
h) Gatorade
i) Sinus drippage
j) miscarriage sauce
k) Love Juice (Moulinex Remix)
l) Chik Fil A dipping sauce
m) Grey Poupon
n) p00p
o) "Dookie" an album by the Green Days
p) Fiji Water
q) homeless man sauce
r) homeless woman drainage
s) runoff
t) melted CDs
u) trail of tears
v) cum
w) Windex/Lysol (he is a bus boi)
x) the blood of Ronald Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson [via O.J.]
y) vomit
z) choose.your.own.response

I want to be a better alternative son.


I want to be a better alternative son.
I want to let my family know who I am.
I want them to know what I find meaningful.
I want them to understand what I find humorous.
I will take the time to explain myself and my interests to them.
I will invite them to participate in team-building activities which will bring us closer together.
These activities will include making meaningful vlogs, starting a tumblr together, and actively commenting on one another's flickr photos.
We will take 'myspace style' photos together with our faces smashed against one another [via a high angle].
My family will 'get' me. For Christmas, I will not have to give them anything, because I am a pleasure to be around all year.
I am a gift.
I will go to church with my family even thought I don't believe in G-d.
I will eloquently express my opinions on issues which might differ from their opinions.
One day, I will take my alternative family to an alternative event, such as a music festival. They will see the world that I see. They will see that their son has found the best way of life. They will be proud of me. They will also be a little bit jealous of me.

"Housekeeping." [Read this title in a derogatory Mexican voice.] (NSFW)

It's kinda unfair how some people are born in2 situations which they can't control. For instance, when these two people popped out of their mother's wombs, their lifepaths were already set. One was destined to be a housekeeper at a high end hotel. The other was destined to be a girl who took n00d photos and railed dudes. I'm not sure which life path I would want. While one is a little bit more priviledged and means I would have to work harder, the other life option might make life a little bit more meaningful. The harder you work, and the less that is handed 2 u [via silver platter], the more meaningful your life probably is.

(Wonder how my life woulda been different if I wasn't middleclass/uppermddleclss when I was a kid? Would my perspective of the world be ttly diff or the same? Or would I have a 'chip on my shouldr'?)

There's just s0 many ppl on Earth, yall. Kinda feel 'blessed' that I have an opportunity to be the only me on this planet. It's a privilege, and I respect the process of choosing my authentic career and forging a meaningful personal brand around it.

[Photo by LastnightsParty]

Should I start reading books abt how my life is special & how I can do whatever I want?

Should I start going 2 church in basketball arenas to be 'part of something bigger than myself'?

Should I become a party promoter/positive ChristianBro? Should I stop being a trivial electro producer and start dressing like a bagmainstreamer who srsly plays the acoustic guitar and wants to 'make it' as a Christian band?

O.J. Simpson is the most alternative man alive.

Today, O.J. Simpson will go to jail. Many people believe that he is responsible for the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. A lot of blacks don't think he did it. A lot of whites know he did it.

I remember when I was a kid, I was watching the NBA Finals, and the O.J. interrupted the game because he was in a slow speed Bronco chase with his BFF, Al Collins. It was at that moment that modern news journalism was born. O.J. Simpson used to be a sports player meme, and then he was a movie star meme, but now he was ready to be a Master Meme. A Meme around which news networks were created (Court TV, CNBC, etc.). A Meme around which journalists aligned their personal brands. A Meme around which America became "America."

This is a post about how I would like to be O.J. Simpson.

All I ever wanted to do was 'open the world's eyes' and make them think about relevant issues. While I couldn't change any one's minds, making them think, and making them discuss important topics is all that art can do. O.J. Simpson is performance art is O.J. Simpson. The Juice has helped America to examine some of the most important topics in modern society. The Law. Class systems. Racial divides. The War in Iraq. Parenting Tips. Interracial Couples. O.J. Simpson has made America what it is today.

When I saw O.J. in the courtroom today. I saw a broken man. A man who has done so much for our society does not deserve to spend his last days in prison.

O.J has inspired many meaningful memes that people are probably very proud of. For example, this is an example of modern art. You can see that the artist used modern film and video effects to convey his unique take on a complex situation.


O.J. Simpson was an inspiration.

He opened the door for Kim Kardashian's fruitful career.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

He was an author and a poet.

He was a pioneer. He broke down barriers. He had a dynamic personal brand.

O.J. Simpson is one of the most important memes in the history of mankind.

O.J. changed the way we create, consume, and interpret information.
O.J. Simpson transcended objectivity and subjectivity.
O.J. Simpson challenged society's laws and norms.
O.J. Simpson polarized the world.
O.J. Simpson stood for more than just O.J. Simpson.
O.J. Simpson has had a bigger impact on your life than 99% of the people in your life.
Your life will not be as meaningful as O.J. Simpson's.

///We can all learn a lot from O.J. Simpson.

We all want to change the world.
O.J. Simpson changed the world.

This is a film clip that represents humanity and/or society.
No filmmaker will ever make anything this relevant. No artist will make any thing as significant.


The Carlesfork 500

Yall. I was reading at the Pitchforks that they made a mega list of the 500 most relevant songs since music started being relevant 2 alternative subcultures. I know sometimes it is hard 2 read p4k, but I thought that I would re-interpret pages of their book/website The Pitchfork 500.

Here is the original page, describing the masterpiece "Bros" by Panda Bear.


Here is the Carlesfork 500 version



///Just trying 2 re-interpret the world in a way that every1 can relate 2.

Does n e 1 know if this album is ever going 2 come out?

I downloaded the leak, but it wasn't as good as Here Comes the Indian and/or Sung Tongs.

ALTBRO or ALTBAG? [Butt Edition]

AltBro or AltBag is a game where I post a picture of an alternative male, and the HRO readers must decide if it is an altbro or an altbag.

Please justify your response.
For example: "He is an altbag because _______."
or "he is an altbro bc _________."

The first 100 responses will receive an all-expenses paid trip to Chili's in Suburbia, USA.

[Photo by takeovertokyo]

s00 stressed, yall! h8 finals

Yall. 'sorry about the lack of posts.' I have read on other blogs that blogs are maintained by people who have 'real livez''. Sometimes, these real lives' can get 'totally stressed.' The blog is put on the backburner because there are more important things in life than a 'little section of the internet.'

n e ways... I am s000000000 stressed. Shoulda studied more all year! I am suuuch a procrastinator! It's kinda weird cuz I actually like learning, and I like interesting stuff but I never study until the last minute! h8 myself! but it always works out. I usually pull 'meaningful all nighters' with groups of my closest friends. We put on our comfiest jogging pants and sweaters, and take over local coffee shops/dorm study lounges/other places that are better for socializing than studying.

My fave part about exam week is telling other ppl what I have 2 do. It is important that they know that my life is more important than theirs because I have more things to do, and the tasks which I must perform are more important than theirs. There is s0 little time between now and exams. I won't get to do the things that I'd like to do for recreation, but sacrificing these desires once every six months makes me a complete person.

I can't 4get 2 charge my iPod. Spent a couple of hours making an iTunes playlist called 'Chill Ass Study Grooves.' I have put a lot of kewl artists on it. Some of these artists include:

  • Incubus (the chill stuff)
  • Radiohead
  • Sigur Ros
  • Explosions in the Sky
  • Zero7
  • Feist
  • the Notwist
  • Beethoven Remixes
  • early deathcab
  • Boards of Canada
  • Animal Collective (early stuff)
  • Panda Bear (unreleased stuff)
  • Fort Minor

Studying with my iPod makes me more productive. I attend a university which gave all of the students Macbooks, iPod Nanos, and iPhones. These products make us better students, and make the university more marketable to high school students 'looking for a unique place that fits their personality.'

n e ways...s000 stressed. Need 2 find some adderall, but the city is dry. Might try 2 make a cocktail of 5Hour Energy, Sparks, Red Bull, Rock Star Energy Drink, Vitamin Water, Pepsi Max, OneADay multivitamin, blow, CLIF Bars, Power Bars, and Chewy Granola Bars, and see if that gives me the 'edge' I need 2 ace my Psychology 101 course. S00 stressed. Our professor is s00 hard, but in the end it makes us 'get' the subject more. Kinda sux, but kinda good since it is making me more aware of the world. (Shoulda gone to design skewl so that I would be passionate about my courses.)

Kinda wish the test was all multiple choice. h8 free response. h8 essay tests! i s000 don't know what I'm talking about! s00 stressed. Might just order some pizza. What are yall doing 2nite?



What do yall do when ur stressed/preparing 4 exams?
Plz feel free to share some 'study tips.'

(s000 f*ckng stressed)

h8 lil dbag kids

[Photo from Hel Looks]

This is a post about how I h8 lil kids who have 2 much personality. Lil Douchebag Kids usually have wealthy parents. There is a father who makes a lot of money, and a mom who 'loves their kid to death.' This means they get to eat an unhealthy breakfast. Typically, male lil dbag kids have long hair and a 'California skater aesthetic.' These kids usually don't do well in school and (pretend to) have learning disabilities. However, these 'learning disabilities' are usually justified as 'having an active personality.' Teachers expect less from lil dbag kids because they know they will never have to worry about anything in life.

My son has an active personality. I let him grow his hair out, because he is different. He is beyond his years.

I just want my daughter 2 have 0 worries. I only want her 2 express herself + start dating at age 7. She will go through an alternative phase, but I am confident that she will end up mainstream by age 19.

I wish I could go back in time and convince my parents to 'let me show the world who I was' at a young age. I want to go back in time so that I could tell my parents about online boutiques for kidz so that I could have a more unique personal brand as a kid.

I want to be a lilBagBro. I don't want to be 'good at school.' I want to be good at being funny/expressive/being 'a breath of fresh air.'

I want to let people know that I might be from California, and that I might be a participant in Xtreme Sports. People need to know that I have an xtreme personality. I want to dress and smell like I am going to my first high school dance every day of the week. I want to merge 'cool' and 'post-casual' fashion. I want hair product.

I want 2 be a lil girl. I want to connect with my depressed mother [via shopping therapy]. I want to wear prints that single, saucy 32 year old women wear on 'girls nite out's + to their job as a receptionist.

"We have trouble concentrating in class. We do impressions of popular movies/television shows. Our parents don't let us drink soda/let us drink a lot of soda. We are 'hyperactive' and have a low reading level."

'We have a glorified hobby which our parents have branded us as 'being good at.' We pursue this hobby our whole lives', but end up not being very gifted at all. Our whole world will then fall apart, and we will attend college for 2 semesters at a local school. We will drop out and live in an apartment complex within 5 miles of our parents' house. We will drink cheep beer and post myspace photos. We will shop at the mall. We will be independent.'
-lil dbag kidz in the future

Should we do more to ban 'personality' in public elementary schools?
Are 'kidz with 2 much personality' growing up with an unhealthy perception of 'the world' + 'his or her own place in the world'?
Is adolescence a false extension of childhood?
Should I build a time machine to see how my life would have worked out if I had a stronger personal brand when I popped out of my mother's womb?

Should I get excited when a maltstream artist is nominated for a mainstream award?

////Post-Meaningful Quote of the Day ///////

Can you imagine if the entire Grammy telecast ends with M.I.A., Diplo, and Switch up there at the podium? How cool would that be?
-the Pitchforks getting excited about M.I.A. being nominated 4 a Grammy 4 'Record of the Year'

Today's MEANINGFUL QUOTE OF THE DAY represents the spirit of 'feeling proud' of your alternative taste in art and media. U usually decide to like alternative music/film/art bc it makes u different. U have an emotional investment in the success of the artist, because U WERE THERE FROM THE BEGINNING. When the artist gets mainstream recognition, there is a bittersweet feeling inside of u. Ur proud, but u kinda feel betrayed. Some simple people decide 2 just 'h8 the artist 4 selling out.' Other simple people say to themselves 'I'm glad that good art is reaching the masses.

How did u feel when ______ won an Oscar/Grammy/Gummy/Bloggy/American Music Award/MTV Music Video Award/MTV Movie Award/VH1 Divas Lifetime Achievement award?
Were u proud of ______?

'I hope Feist wins a grammy'
-my iPod that doesn't charge n e m0re

but srsly... wonder who will win the Biggest FGGT band of the year Grammy
a) the coldplays
b) Kanye West
c) the Nickelback men
d) David Cook
e) Simon Cowell
f) Linkin Parking
g) Dashboard Confessional
h) Choose.Your.Own.Response


Buzzband, Alternative Celebrity

M.I.A. is known for thinking that the American government is out 2 get her.

Read more>>>>

Alternative Inventory

In order to update the global alternative census, we must continue to take an inventory of alternative humans and alternative accessories.

In this picture there are
___ altbros
___ pairs of sunglasses
___ tuggable alt skanks
___ mainstream bros
___ festival bros
___ unique caps
___ unique hats
___ pairs of leggings
___ 'music loverz'
___ unique alts
___ mainstream alts
___ non-white alts
___ neon apparel
___ striped apparel
___ American Apparel
___ t-shirts of bands
___ iPods
___ zunes
___ FGGTs
___ altbaguettes
___ entry levs
___ ppls with dSLRs
___ ppl with party pix sites
___ ppl who have a college degree
___ ___________________

///Where's AltDo?

In 2k9, will alt officially be mainstream? Worried after taking the alt census, yall. ///scared

[Photo by Cobrasnake]

XX BONUS ALTBROS on the prowl XX

'Today, we have a chance. We have a dream. We will be tugged.'
-from the book AltBro in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

Seen n e keut music vids lately?

Video: Architecture in Helsinki - That Beep.mp3


As we move forward in time, I wonder how Architecture in Helsinki became 'relevant' when so many other kutesie, empty sounding bands faded away in 2k0-2k5. Is it because they are foreign? Do they write good songs? Is their work conceptually satisfying? Do they write lyrics that help humanity cope with the human experience?

h8 u arch in helsink.

Music Video: Fan Death - Veronica's Veil.mp3


Fan Death: the Glass Candy of 2k9? I will listen to them more than I realize & I won't be able to tell how much I like their music. I just listen to it because it sounds 'kinda disco-y + a lil bit authentic.' I allegedly value the 'production value.' They are also 2 girls and some bro producer. Not sure if I want 2 start crushing on 1 of them yet. (miss u Alice Glass)

Fan Death MP3 heist: http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/08/authentic-disco-big-in-2k9.html

Music Video: the Jewels - Who Will Save Yalls Soul


This Jewel girl is a new up-and-coming artist who is changing the independent music scene. I know that there aren't many women in the music industry, but after the Jewels, things might be different. Her song 'Who Will Save Your Soul' is about George W. Bush's Presidency. Kinda makes me want 2 be religious.

Music Video: The Postal Services - We Will Become Silhouettes


This is a band by indie startup bloghaus band The Postage Servicing. U can see that the band is a group of authentic friends who united under the common goal of making meaningful music together. The song is about being afraid of dying without leaving ur mark on society. (afraid2die, yall) The Postal Service is certainly a band to watch in 2k9.

In 2k9, HRO will be all about 'breaking bands' that yall have nvr heard of.

I have a Satty Radio show. I have awesome taste in music, yall!
(better taste than u) ///my blog is on the hypemachine
The most music u will ever share is in a meaningless car ride in ur Honda Accord with a group of your closest friends. Or maybe on a mix CD for your mom's Birthday.
Love u, carles! ///bye
PS: Do yall know n e buzz bands that I should play on my nxt radio show? Feel like I'm really 'leaving my mark on society', yall. 1 person can('t) make a diff.

Does n e 1 know if this is a ‘got milk’ ad or a real movie?

Yall. I've heard of this new liberal movie about a time where things weren't so free-spirited. I think I'm supposed 2 see it bc it will mean that I am an informed/tolerant/historically-aware person. Kinda excited 2 see Sean Penn. Heard he gives a great performance of 'pretending to be an authentic ghey guy with dreams of becoming President.'
Spoiler Alert: He is assassinated. (Haven't seen it yet. Just guessing.)

Not sure if I wanna see it, though. Kinda worried that it's just some viral marketing stuff.
/// "GOT ALT?" - Hipster Runoffs

Might see this movie instead.

Or maybe this movie

Or maybe 'Freakie Fridayz'

Or maybe just a ghey twink film.

Every year, a few films come out that I think I am supposed to see to make sure I can carry on relevant conversations with relevant people. Is "Milk" the first movie of 2k9 that I am 'supposed to see' because it's gonna be brilliant/relevant/ghey?

Should I wait til it is on DVD/VHS, have a 'girls nite in' based around watching it, order pizza, and then have a 'group suicide ice breaker' activity where we move on to our next lives' while eating stuffed crust?

I wish they had Macbooks when I was a tween [New HRO Gimmick]

I am beta testing a new HRO gimmick where I find pieces of progressive media made by real tweens which inspire me to feel a little bit jeal of the fact that I didn't have a Macbook when I was a tween. I can only look back and think about the person who I could have been with features and programs like iSight, iMovie, Photobooth, ComicLife, Adobe Photoshop, and even Safari.

If only my parents had waited _ more years 2 have me, then I would have had the tools to express myself at an earlier age, enabling me to take 6.5 years off my quest for meaning.

want 2 relive my tweenhood s00 bad


want 2 have modern tools of expression that r built for even the youngest ppl on Earth.

Do u want 2 relive ur tweenolescence?
Would a 2nd chance at tweenhood make u more authentic 2day?
Do u have 'regretz'?

Old Alt Bands/Musicians turn in2 Cool Dads

Yall. I remember when I made up a theory that aging alt bands like Weezer & Death Cabs turn into Cool Dads. Then I saw a picture of Morrisonney, the lead singer of the Smiths Band.

Do yall think this is the picture which verifies the Cool Dad Theory?
Or is it just another example of the emerging trend of human accessories.


I'm afraid of growing old.
I'm afraid of my hair turning grey.
I'm afraid of losing my hair.
I'm afraid of turning into a cool dad.
I'm afraid of being a self-aware cool dad who knows he isn't cool.
I'm afraid of my son/daughter eventually being 'cooler than me' when I am 54.
I'm afraid of having to 'raise a child.'
I'm afraid of my first divorce.
I'm afraid of feeling pressure to hold down a job for more than 7.5 months.
I'm afraid of having to give away my tattered Am Appy shirts to 'the poor' in 2k__.

/// This is a post about coping with age.

Should I start listening 2 the Smiths after the electrobubble bursts?
Did u go through a 'Smiths era' or is that 4 old ppl?
Should I put the Smiths on my 'top albums of 2k8' list?

R u afraid of clowns?

A lot of ppl are apparently afraid of clowns. I think that's a sillie thing 2 b afraid of. If ur parents truly loved u, then they took you to the circus at least once a year. The truth is, there are more important things 2 b afraid of. U must confront these fears. U r not ready 4 'the real world' until u confront important stuff.

Things that u should be afraid of

  • death
  • STDs
  • the hypemachine shutting down
  • HRO shutting down
  • falling in love
  • high cholesterol
  • diabetes
  • alcoholism
  • French People
  • Aussie AltBro armies
  • the economy
  • the tugjob economy
  • Radiohead releasing another album
  • the sun exploding
  • Your local altbag party promoter getting into a Vespa accident
  • Hurricanes
  • Poor People
  • Angsty Privileged people
  • ugly ppl
  • uggo ppl
  • not eating a healthy breakfast
  • discoloured cum
  • hardXcore ppl
  • the guy from There Will Be Blood/No Country for Brold Men
  • Barry Obammy's failed re-election campaign
  • Chinese ppl
  • Motivated AZNs
  • ur parents dying
  • ur parents not paying ur rent
  • 'the real world'
  • the third world
  • the Eastern World
  • ur boss
  • the RIAA
  • Iran
  • Nucular Weapons
  • ur failing nuclear family
  • ur bff
  • major media companies purchasing controlling interest in the meme economy
  • people with active youtube channels
  • tweens
  • depressed  ppl
  • Steven Jobs
  • Billy G8s
  • the guy who invented Sparks (Jeff Sparks)
  • end of the year 'best of 2k_ lists'
  • brobags
What are yall afraid of?
'No Fear'
- 19k.95


I am a bro.
I am cold.
Or I am from an underworld.
Full of authenticity
and devoid of electronic instruments.
Wish I could find
a simple man who works in an airport
to shine my scuffed shoes .

[Photos by Pregs Goldfish]

I was looking at pictures of Australia

I was looking at pictures of australia on the cobrasnaker, and I think it is safe to conclude that Australia has the highest rate of AltBros Per Capita in the entire solar system.
In the future, I wonder if altBros will stop wearing shirts?

'Girls will be entry level until they have tugged off an altbro who they were gimmicked into thinking had a unique personal brand. They will graduate into being an altBroad who actively disassociates herself with that period of her life and move on to tugging altBggts and mainstreamBros.'
-Carles from the Essay "On Being an Alternative Woman"

// My first meaningful alternative experience

My mom was about to pick up me and a couple of my friends at a music festival. I really had to twist her arm to let me go. I wore something conservative, but brought my zany outfit in my bag. No way my dad would let me go out like that. The music festival was the most fun I had my whole life. I love being around people. I love people watching. I love listening to other people's conversations. This is because I have an interesting perspective on the world.
As the night wound down, and we got more buzzed from half-empty cans of Sparks/Coors Light, I looked at all of my friends. They were real. We understand one another. I am proud of my alternative group. We are bigger than just one individual, and bigger than our collective alternative soul. We are relevant. We are young. We are free.
We will live forever.
Part of the us never dies.
I have arrived. I am officially an authentic alt.
My friends are spending the nite. (can't wait 4 college when every nite is a sleep over.)

//////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


"House Music." - This bro
"Carl Cox is a genius." - this bro
"I just picked up the new Paul Van Dyk single." - this bro
"Dance. Hard." -this bro


A Revised Map of Australia in the post Electro+Alt world.

P0st M0re Life Aquatic Alts

[Photo by ClickClash]
I have always wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself. Maybe this is because I wasn't involved on too many sports teams as a child, and lack a 'sense of belonging.' These days, I feel like I am searching for people who are pursuing the same goal as me at places like clubs, concerts, music festivals, and 24-hour non-national-chain coffee shops.

I want to be a member of something. I want to contribute 2 society/a limited sect of society.
I want to change the world. I want 2 b myself.
I want 2 wear a red beanie. I want 2 b in a Bill Murray film.
I want 2 win. I want 2 win the hearts of the common man. I want to be critically acclaimed.
I want 2 b blggd abt.
I want to become friends with my favourite film directors to give them ideas from my own life to turn into quirky-meaningful-core masterpieces.

R.I.P. Bill Murray

HIPSTER RUNOFF + Sirius XM Satellite Radio

Hey yall. I got a Satellite Radio show. If yall drive cars with leather interiors, yall can listen 2 me. It's a great opportunity 4 me 2 take my 'blog brand' 2 the next level, and get a lot of people to read my blog who don't even know what 'weblog' means. Yall get 2 hear me talk. Most of yall won't.

The HIPSTER RUNOFF radio show airs Mondays at noon and again at midnight EST on Sirius XMU. Iff you're an XM subscriber, you can listen to Blog Radio on channel 43, and Sirius subscribers can still find us on channel 26. If u really want 2 hear Carles Show, u can get a 3 day trial membership.


  • Tough Alliance Neo Violence (Shazam Remix)
  • Vampire Weekend - The Kids Don't Stand a Chance (Chromeo Remix)
  • Friendly Fires - Paris
  • Animal Collective - People
  • Broken Social Scene - Cause = Time
  • Empire of the Sun - Walking on a Dream
  • Felix Da Housecat - Ready 2 Wear
  • Miami Horror - Make You Mine
  • Panda Bear - Comfy in Nautica
  • Phoenix -Too Young
  • Friendly Fires - Paris (Aeroplane Remix Feat Au Revoir Simone)
  • Sebastian Tellier - La Ritournelle (Metronomy Remix) [MP3]
  • Thieves Like Us - Drugs in my Body
  • The Walkmen - Thinking of a Dream I had
  • We Have Band - Oh!
  • Pnau - Embrace (featuring Ladyhawke)
  • MGMT - Of Moons Birds and Monsters (Holy Ghost! Remix)
  • Elliott Smith - Needle in the Hay
  • Holy Ghost! - Hold On [MP3]
  • M83 - Kim & Jessie [MP3]
  • Feist - 1234 (Van She Remix)
  • Interpol - Untitled
  • Sneaky Soundsystem - When We Were Young (Breakbot Remix)
  • Digitalism - Apollo-Gize (Breakbot Remix)

Is my playlist kinda weak/too mnstrm?
Are yall excited?
Does this mean that I have 'made it' as an MP3 blog?
Does this mean I have better taste in music than u?
Is my radio show just a meme?
Should I start podcasting?
Are yall 'excited 4 Carles' or 'kinda disappointed' or 'a lil jeal' or 'h8 u'?

Authentic Music Fans of the Nite

Authentic Entry Level Alts of the Nite.
Mainstreamer American Appy Implementation of the Nite.
Authentic Justice fans of the Nite.
Authentic Meaningful College Experiment of the Nite.
Authentic Arts & Crafts project of the Nite.
Authentic _______ of the ___________.

Should I dress up as a Joustice song for Halloween 2k6/2k11?
If these 4 girls were going 2 a Girl Talk concert, what themed costume do u think they would wear?


(miss u)

I would like a meaningful, buzzed tugjob from
a) D
b) V
c) N
d) O
e) D.V.N.O.
f) choose.your.own.combo

OOPS, I crapped my pants, yall!

Yall. Missed yall. Things have kinda been weird and distant during the Thanksgiving holidays. Glad things r starting 2 get normal. Decided to 'get back in the swing of things' by posting an Oops I Crapped My Pants Alt. I know a lot of yall wanted to call them 'genie pants' or 'MC Hammer Pants,' but I think we're best off calling them Oops I crapped my pants pants.

We're all just searching for what's next after skinnie jeans.

Previous oopsIcrappedmypants coverage

xx Bonus Viva La Vida Alt xx

"I used 2 rule the world." - The Coldplays

Should I put their album on my 'best song of 2k8' list just because I think I am supposed 2 appreciate it?

[Photos by MessThis Dress]

Are you an individual, or r u part of the machine? (NSFW)

[Note: this picture is a metaphor.]

Sometimes I wonder if I am an individual, or if I am just part of some bullshit corporate America machine. I don't just want to be a product of marketing. I want to be a post-informed consumer. I want to make authentic decisions, and not be influenced by 'men in suits who just want to make money.' I am an artist. I do not want 2 b exploited.

I want to owe my existence 2 myself.
I am an individual. I am not the real-life embodiment of relevant themes from the movie THE MATRIX: Keanu's Bogus Journey.

This is a post about searching for the perfect alternative breasts.

xx BONUS singular tit xx

I am the lone breast//featured in the party pic//
I am the lone breast//not featured in the party pic//
My tit is more meaningful than the other tit.
[Photos by

Whenever an Alternative Artist is on the Cover of a Mainstream Magazine, I quietly say to myself, "We Finally Did It."

Whenever an Alternative Artist is on the Cover of a Mainstream Magazine, I quietly say to myself, "We Finally Did It.  We have arrived. The mainstreamers are starting to understand why we listen to better music than them. I have a dream that one day, blogs will be the radio stations of the world, and Pitchfork will be the iTunes of the world, and minidisc players will be the iPods of the world."

Part of me gets a lil bit upset that the mainstreamers are finding out about what I listened to 2+ years ago, but then I realize that I need to 'be the bigger person' and let them enjoy.

Did yall see Mathangi Arulpragasam on the cover of SPIN? (I call M.I.A. by her real name 2 sound more authentic.)

Remember when the Management was on the cover of SPIN?

Remember when hipsters were on the cover of BPM?

Remember when a Cool Dad made the cover of Us Weekly?

I was really proud when Crystal Castles were on the cover of NME.

"we are using sounds that no 1 else can get." -Crystal Castles

I remember when Britney Spears' sister sharted out a baby and landed on a magazine cover.

It was a big deal when some one as alt as Dustin Hoffman went mainstream and starred in "Hook."

I was proud of Thom Yorkee for being on the cover of AZN magazine.

It was also a big deal when I was TIME's person of the year just cuz I built a myspace profile. I showed my parents so they'd get off my back and let me chill on the myspace.

I kinda hope YALL are the Persons of the Year in 2k8.

(I am not proud of alt celebs when they r on the cover of altMagazines that I am not alt enough to recognize).

How do u feel when u see some1 on a magazine cover?
Is it a meme that u should be proud of and connect with?
Do u have 'pride' for 'being into' an artist/public figure before they were 'recognized by a magazine'?
Would u be honored m0re to be in a magazine, or be blggd abt at ur fave blog?
Which 1 means more in the current meme economy climate?

//// am I just a meme?

Lykke Li + Kings Of Leon = MNSTRM?

Yall. Lykke Li is alright. Does she write her own music or does she just deliver 'charismatic performances' over well produced songs. She kinda reminds me of a sexie old woman/cougar or something like that.

Does she remind yall of an artistic cougar in this vid? (this is what people are basically saying when they compare her 2 Stevie Nicks.)


N e ways, the song "Knocked Up" by Kings of Leon is a meaningful song about wanting to have a child with some1 that you love, even though ur young. Not sure if that's a message that I can identify with, but I think it's fun 2 know that in the past, 'raging against ur parents' was by doing stuff like 'getting a girl preggers'+'starting a family without much money.

Kings of Leon - Knocked Up (Lykke Li vs. Rodeo Remix)

Previous pretty good song where Lykke Li sings over some electro producer's work


Previous Lykke Li meme that I might have to revisit.

Bonus cougar meme

Today is BlackFriday.info

The following altbag purchased all of his clothes on BlackFriday.info/new_personal_brand.

[Photo by every1isfamous]
Today is the busiest shopping day of the year. The day after THNXGVNG, people r s00 hungry that they have 2 g0 shopping so that they can eat at mall food courts. Some people like to call it BlackFriday.info, and others call it BlackFriday.biz. Whenever I go shopping on BlackFriday.com, I feel like I have been auto-forwarded to BlackFriday.info/PoorPeopleLookingForDeals. I think they'd tell you that they are just BlackFriday.com/ThriftyBargainSeekers.

When ur doing Xmas shopping, ur usually not buying presents 4 people u love. It is usually a challenge to find some thing appropriate for some1 in your extended family who you don't TRULY know and don't authentically "love." U want 2 add value 2 their life in a present, but u don't want 2 spend more than $__. I sort of wish Amazon would build a site called amazon-super-store.net/Presents_For_People_ I_Dont_Truly_Love_But_Have_2_Buy_A_Gift_4_them.html. At this site I could browse through crappy gifts which existed 2 give  2 extended family who u didn't spend much money on and represent 'not knowing them well.'

Today, I just want to SaveSomeMoney.us, but I would settle for SavingSomeEuros.blogspot.co.uk. I'm afraid of the FinancialCrisis.gov/BarryObamaWillNotSaveTheEconomy. Even though there is some change.gov, I feel like it is actually change.gov/pipedreams, and possibly change.gov/pyramid_scheme. S0 scared. Might even rename my myspace URL www.myspace.com/SomeScaredAltBro.

Should I go online shopping, or will there be 2 much traffic/2 many people?

Syndicate content